Some EXs Can Ruin A Very Promising Relationship (Be Careful)

So Cynthia dated Wale (not real names... Or real names... I don't really care) for four years before the once blissful relationship ended.

You know those school runs where you'd meet the guy in your year one and you guys will live the couple's life till you graduate from school. Anytime she comes visiting, she'd cook and if the guy's apartment is really "confam" (confam- he stays alone and his bed is cossy and there is no disturbance whatsoever) she'd stay through out the weekend and they'd 'run' things a lot (yeah you know what I'm talking about).

That was the kind of relationship Cynthia and Wale had. Wale knew all along that he was running a contract relationship with the babe - he just need someone to pass time with. He also knew he couldn't just approach Cynthia and clear her straight up that he just want a "contract" relationship. The possibility that Cynthia will agree to that kind of relationship is very slim. It can infact be likened to passing a camel through the eye of a needle.

Wale was busy all of a sudden, he was no longer creating time for Cynthia. He'd blame it on final year projects (yeah final year projects can be tasking eh and time consuming). He knew he needed to make up excuses so as to ease the break-up. He wouldn't want the babe to blame him or something.

At the end of the day, they'd have this long serious talk (I can't even remember the last time they had a serious discussion. It has always been about the 'pum pum and D'). In this serious talk, Wale will now show the babe some differences (at this point the smallest difference works. You just need to escalate it).

"You know I am a Muslim and you are a Christian" (as if they didn't know before they started out). "You know you stay on the Island and I reside on the mainland... It is not going to be easy for us"...... He'd come up with so many issues that will bring about doubt in the relationship.

He'd then say "Don't worry babe, you know I love you, we'd definitely work something out" (or something better. But it's still gonna the same effect).

He'd stop calling, no more BBM chats, no Insta chats and in no time you'd move on. You'd meet some other guy (you don't really love him the way you love Wale. But half bread is better than none, after all love is not the ultimate anyways shebi?)

Then one day, while seeing an episode of Game Of Thrones. Your phone rings and you pick it up to check who it is, and it is Wale. You don't even have his contact on your phone but you recognize that number (number wey you don call zillion of times)

You pick up trying to form vexed and shit (you have planned the way you'd respond) but on hearing his voice, you melt....

Then he'd go on and on about how he missed you and he was just tryna check up on you, then he'd start to tap into the emotions and shit.....

See it is really difficult for babes especially if that Wale was their first love but lemmie tell you something, don't fall for it. The guy doesn't miss you or anything. He only wants your pum pum. He has probably seen your picture on Instagram or somewhere "omo Cynthia don fine wella oo... Lemmie scope her to see how far?"

Don't fall for it....

This message applies to all other 'runs' too (not just school runs). Let EXs remain EXs. Remember objects in the rear mirror appears to be closer than they may seem.

A word is enough for all the Cynthia's out there.

But hey what do I even know sef, I don't even have a 'Wale' yet.

Hey I'm on twitter: @kaylahnotes  (hit the pursue follow button and I'd definitely follow you back)

Can't We have Male Virgins?

So I was in the saloon the other day and there was this woman that just kept ranting (you know those "ladies of nowadays" rant) on how there are so many promiscuous runs girls around. I cared less, I was enjoying the cool ASA's song- Bibanke that was playing from the sound system in the saloon.

But I was listening to her rants with my second ear (Thank God for giving us two ears).  She went ahead to say that "all these gehs with tiny tiny legs have 'spoiled' you would hardly see a virgin amongst them" then she looked my way for some seconds and continued with her rants.

I was embarrassed but well I do not have 'tiny' legs. "she's not 'kuku' talking to me" "Abi am I the one?" I was still asking myself all these JAMB questions when she said one thing that got the attention of my two ears.

This was what she said "... Well I have told my son, he must impregnate his fiancee before I can give them my blessings"

I wanted to talk but I remembered what my mother taught me about table manners.

I just kept thinking about the whole thing then it dawned on me that it is not only mama V (okay that was the name I gave the woman) that taught that way.

That is how the society thinks. It is okay for men to be promiscuous- no one is really preaching to men to remain virgins till they get married, we don't really care about the number of women he had had sex with. "Well he's a guy, it is normal" we would say.

But the girls must remain virgins, if she is raped, it is her fault, we'd blamed it on the kind of dress she wore or the fact that she was walking alone at night when it happened. We'd definitely look for ways to blame it on the girl.

We seem to have forgotten that losing one's virginity is a team work (I can't have sex with myself). Same with rape and all.

If we want to raise good women, we should try to teach our boys the right thing to do too.

Maybe if we even shift the whole virgin talk to the guys and put more pressure on them to remain virgins, maybe we'd have more virgin Mary around.

But hey, what do I know, when was I born sef?

I'd love to hear your views though. Thank you for reading.

PS: I really pity those girls that think their virginity will make their husband respect more. I'm not saying you shouldn't 'keep' yourself (I don't really give a fug) but I really pity you if you go into any relationship or marriage with that mindset.


Hey I'm on twitter: @kaylahnotes  (hit the pursue follow button and I'd definitely follow you back)

When He Says God Said...

When he says God said you are "the one"- I don't know why people use "the one" though, probably they've tried out almost everyone. Well it means future partner or "the missing rib" or I don't know... You should know what I mean.

OK, so when he says God said (or showed him a vision) that you are his future wife, flee!

Don't waste time thinking about it. Don't go all "God please this is Kaylah, Bro Chuks told me you said "I'm the one" for him... God is it true" because he won't answer you (there are pressing issues he is tending to like the missing Chibok girls, (crises happening)

Flee because it is not God that wants to marry you.

Flee because God will be too busy to look your way

When he goes all Mayweather vs Pacquiao on you  because you are too tired to ahem "make some babies that night".

Marriage is beyond what he says God said (even if God said something). But hey, I'm not a marriage expert, I don't even have a boyfriend, don't take me seriously.

Hey I'm on twitter: @kaylahnotes  (hit the pursue follow button and I'd definitely follow you back

Should Marriage Be The First Thing On Our Goals List?

90% (this is not a proven statistic) of African women's priority is marriage. Like we are born to get married to some guy. Everything we do is centered around getting a good husband.

Go to school, get a degree so you can get a better husband.

Learn how to cook and cook your ass out so that you go see better husband marry you.

Go to the gym regularly and stay fit so you can look attractive for your "dream" man.

It goes on and on and on.

And our mothers won't even make things easier on you. They look for ways to link your mistakes to ways it can affect your chances of getting a good husband.

I remember some times last year when I went to a party with friends and got back around 10 pm (no thanks to Lagos traffic). My mum went all crazy on me "Kaylah! Is this how you'd be entering your matrimonial home late? Who will cook for your husband?".

...Like African women aren't supposed to live their own lives, set goals, pursue their passions, make something happen first.

Must marriage be the first thing on our list? Well I'm still trying to understand myself, marriage is like Number "I can't remember". I'm not in a rush to get married to one (at least no one don even ask me out sef).

But hey, this is just my opinion. I'm just a 23 year old trying to live her life, taking one step at a time.

What do you think though? I'd love to hear your views.

Hey I'm on twitter: @kaylahnotes  (hit the pursue follow button and I'd definitely follow you back)

Photo Credit : Wedding Specialist

What Not to Do When in a Conversation With Someone Who Stutters

 I've become somewhat proficient at observing facial expressions and body movements during a conversation. I can read faces, and I don't even need to play a game of poker to do so.

All I need to do is let a stutter slip from between my lips and I can see the full reveal before the last word is even spoken.

Living with a stutter means I have to be even more conscious of the world around me. I have to know the ebbs and flow of a conversation and understand how a conversation works and how it's supposed to sound. Sometimes, I feel like I've turned into a maestro -- able to observe and at times conduct the sounds around me. The words are the instruments that create melodies and harmonies that balance one another until the curtain is drawn and the conversation ends.

Growing up, I never really used to tune into the body movements of those around me. But after a while, I noticed a certain trend happening where whenever I stuttered, someone would shift uncomfortably or look away. I'm not oblivious to these occurrences. If anything, I'm even more painfully aware of this happening even when I'm struggling to get the word out.

I've seen every physical manifestation of irritation appear in front of me -- from people rolling their eyes and tapping their feet, to crossing their arms and looking off in the distance, to exhaling loudly or just starting a new conversation right over what I was trying to say.

I remember acquaintances and people I didn't know laugh or mimic what I had failed to say. I remember standing in front of a classroom in high school and giving a presentation, but whenever I fumbled over a word there was no escape. It was just 30 pairs of eyes staring straight ahead, and sometimes I'd hear a muffled laugh from the back of the classroom.

In a conversation -- any conversation -- I've had to stop and slow my speech or even re-evaluate the supposed importance of what I was saying based on the body movements of those around me. If they adjusted a strap on their backpack, did it mean they wanted me to hurry up with what I was saying, or was the strap just uncomfortable? If they stared at something in the distance, were they still interested in my words, or more concerned with what I couldn't see behind me?

For me, it's interesting to note when people don't care or can't feign interest in something I say. After years of living with a stutter, I can now tell the difference between when someone is uncomfortable and someone who is uncaring. In a way, it's nice having a stutter because when it appears I can tell who actually wants to listen to what I have to say and who couldn't care less.

The most important thing to do when listening to a person who stutters is to act natural. Don't make fun of the person who stuttered. Don't laugh. Don't try to mimic the person. Don't say anything about learning how to talk. Don't share a look with someone else -- as if the stutter is some kind of inside joke. Don't roll your eyes, or sigh, or look pointedly at a watch or a phone or some other time-telling device.

The people who do these things don't realize that people who stutter have seen it all and they see right through it.

But there's a flip side to all of this. I now see encouraging movements and expressions that counteract the negative ones that I've experienced.

The most encouraging thing is that I can tell when someone honestly wants to know what I have to say. They don't sigh in exasperation, or check their watch, or look over my head at something in the distance. They don't have to say anything. They wait patiently, or give a nod of encouragement, or smile with me if I somehow get out the punch line of a joke I had been trying to get through.

What I appreciate most of all is that they treat me like a normal person -- as if the stutter never existed.

As if I can talk like everyone else, even when I don't.

Written By Madeline Wahl

I am A Terrible Cook... So What?

I am a terrible cook... Does that make me less a woman?

My moms will scream and shout all the time "Kaylah with the rate at which you are going, you may not get a good husband". Sometimes she'd remix that statement and say "your husband will always look outside" (what she meant was that if I am not a good cook, another woman outside that can cook will 'snatch' him from me).

Most times I'd love to reply and say "what the fuck moms?" but my moms is a christian-an anointed woman of God and she might send holy fire from heaven to consume me.

I have read so many articles that said you need to be a good cook to be a good wife material (I still don't know what that means). I just don't get the "A good cook = A good wife" thing... Like you being a good cook is  more than enough to qualify you as a good wife (You don't need to be anything else, just turn up and be a good cook dammit!) . And  it is also okay for the husband to be the terrible cook. But the wife? Nah, It is not allowed... Seriously?

Does that mean the respect, love and understanding I have for my partner is not good enough? Does it mean my honesty, pro-activeness, good sense of humor, hospitality, generosity is all Bullshit because I am a terrible cook? 

I love trying out different kind of foods but I hate cooking. It just doesn't work for me. Then if that means I'm not a wife material, so be it.

Hey I'm on twitter: @kaylahnotes  (hit the pursue follow button and I'd definitely follow you back)

What The Heck Is This Blog About?

Hi I'm Kaylah, Someone told me I would be a terrific blogger (I don't really know what he saw), so I started this blog with the aim of sharing my thoughts on certain issues I am passionate about.

What are these things I'm Passionate about?
To be honest, I don't really know (yes I'm one confused person). I have tried out almost everything minus armed robbery and prostitution of course. But I think I love:

• Photography: I love taking pictures and I hope to get a camera soon but I'm doing what I can with my ipad. So I'd be putting some of those cool and not-so-cool pictures here.
• Books: Yes I am a book freak. I read almost everything including bus tickets. I digest an average of 2 books per month... So I'd be reviewing some of those books the best way I can on this blog.
• Music: Haha! I'm a music critic. I am not restricted to a particular genre of music, I do everything (if it appeals to me). I'm an advocate of good music... Don't worry you'd see.
• Food: I'm a foodie- I love trying out new dishes but I'm a terrible cook (I can only make toast and...that's all). But because I want to get married on time coupled with the fact that my moms told me "you no go see better husband if you no 'sabi' cook", I'd be trying out new recipes and put them on here too.
• Me: Yes I love myself (who doesn't?). So I'd be sharing my stories and experiences on here too... Like the guy I fucked prayed for and some other crazy shit! Oh lest I forget, I use "Shit" alot... so deal with it.... and I love sarcasm too, so you don't have a good sense of humor, this is not the place for you.

In Summary:
This blog will educate, entertain and  inspire the hell out of you to make shit happen. You may follow me on twitter at @kaylahnotes